Elememetary

So, what meme did you learn at school today?

I asked my daughter this question one day as a joke and got an earnest answer in reply. Now I ask it every evening at dinnertime.

Power Games

Illustration of a cat approaching a woman. Woman: Hi, Norman-cat!! Can I pet you??
The cat walks past her.
The cat lays down some distance away. The cat: Yes.
The woman reaches out her hand, too far away to pet the cat.

My cat and I have been engaged in a 36 minute handshake, each unwilling to be the first to break. The prolonged eye contact is making my eyes water, but I’m not crying.

I’m not crying.

Mouse in the House

There is a mouse in the house.
I have tried everything to keep it out. But I keeps coming back in.
It makes me so angry, I just want to murder it.
Woman worker at hardware store: We actually have a really large selection of poisons in aisle 7. Me: omg, no! I don't want to MURDER murder it!

Hyperbole can be so dangerous!

(Please don’t give me mouse solutions. I already have a mouse solution. I’m planning on stuffing a cat in every crevice. Thank you.)