webcomic – Nicole Smeltzer

April 25, 2020

Re-reading Emily of New Moon

Emily stands next to a cat. Ilse: You blithering centipede.

Emily bends to pet the cat. Ilse: You're a skunk and a bloodthirsty mink!

Emily walks away cuddling the cat. Ilse: YOU PROUD, STUCK-UP, CONCEITED BIPED!!

I’m keeping a catalogue of Ilse’s best insults.

April 13, 2020

COVID-19 Isolation: Day 28

Me, holding a large stick.

Daughter: NO, you can't use THAT stick to build the trellis! That's Jimmy!!

April 8, 2020

COVID-19 Isolation: Day 24

Child: I MADE CANDY GLUE!!!

Me: I don't want to know what that means.

April 5, 2020

COVID-19 Isolation: Every Day So Far

Cat: You're home! It's dinner time!

me: No, Bubba. It's 8AM.

Cat: You're home! It's dinner time!

me: No, Bubba. It's 90:30 AM.

Cat: You're home! It's dinner time!

Me: No, Bubba. Not yet.

Cat: YOU'RE HOME! IT'S DINNER TIME!

Me: No, Bubba.

Cat: You're home! It's DINNER TIME!

Me: It's just 3:30, Bubs!

April 2, 2020

Rewatching Pride & Prejudice

Mr Darcy looks at Elizabeth Bennet and thinks "I don't understand. Why doesn't she like me?"

Mr Darcy, "I stare at her ALL THE TIME."

We started rewatching the old BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice this week with the kid. So far, she loathes Mr. Darcy, but is highly amused by the awkwardness of Mr. Collins.

March 31, 2020

COVID-19 Isolation By Day

Day 8: Gif illustration of my daughter running around with a bag over her head.

Day 13: Illustration of me asking my reluctant family "Who wants to cut my hair?!"

Day 15: Mike yelling out the window "HEY! Get outta here! That's not for you!"

A squirrel stands motionless at the bird feeder.

Mike Yells out the window again: It's okay! You can have it!

The squirrel happily stuffs its cheeks with seeds.

March 25, 2020

Working from Home, part 2

Illustration of me singing at my desk at home. (I'd Like to Visit the Moon, from Sesame Street)

Daughter: Mommy, do you sing at your desk at your real work?

Me: No, I don't...

Daughter: JUST ONE MORE BONUS OF WORKING FROM HOME!!

March 24, 2020

Working from Home, part 1

Illustration of me on the phone with IT My chatty cat thinks I'm talking to HIM.

Me, on phone: I tried that, but it says INVALID USER.

Cat: Hello?

Me, on phone: Sorry, this is taking forever to download. I think my kid is watching Netflix.

Cat: I AM DOWN HERE!

Still on the phone, the cat yowling over everything: I SAID I'M DOWN HERE!

My chatty cat does not understand phone conversations.

March 19, 2020

What a Week

Me, coming home from work every day this week: lying facedown on the floor

March 10, 2020

Norman Disagrees

Norman the cat scratches at an ottoman. Out of panel, a voice yells "NORMAN!"

Norman returns to his scratching thinking: Norman says yes.

March 8, 2020

Introducing Pepper!

We got a pet hamster! Her name is Pepper. She has pockets!

Everyone loves her! Illustration of family loving the hamster. The cat is small and blurry in the distance.

Extreme close-up of cat with MURDER in his eyes.

March 7, 2020March 9, 2020

Don’t Put Maows in My Mouth

Little girl to her mother: Awww! Norman says he's lonely and he wants us to adopt a kitten for him to play with!!

Cat, pouting behind his tail with a storm cloud over his head: That's NOT what I maowed.

March 5, 2020

Smol Frogs

I love the frogs in the pond behind my house.

I keep trying to draw them, but they never look cute.

Illustration of my trying to draw frogs and failing. "Why can't I do this?!"

Me to badly drawn frog: I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad.

Frog: We're not mad.

Two badly drawn frogs: "...just disappointed."

February 29, 2020

Magazine Quality

Nicki peeks around the corner at Mike playing the guitar. "Hi." "Hi!"

Nicki sees Mike drinking a cup of tea. "Hi!" "Hi." Hearts float above her head.

Nicki sees Mike brushing his teeth. Says "Hiii" in big pink caption while she stares adoringly.

February 22, 2020

Why do you keep ruining my life?

Authors, man.

February 16, 2020

Oh, beans

Illustration of a woman opening a can of beans. *pop!*

Illustration of woman opening a can of beans and peeling back the lid. *shhhhk!*

The woman pats the cat's head. |Sorry, buddy. It's just beans."

February 10, 2020

A Craving for Something

Me: What?? We just ate dinner and you said you were full!

February 8, 2020

Petite

Nurse, measuring: Okay, looks like you're 5'2.5"...

January 28, 2020

Taste of Victory

I left the fridge door open while I prepared my cup of coffee this morning.

Seizing the opportunity, the cat raced over and bit into the first thing he saw, which was a head of cabbage.

He didn't care for the cabbage, but he did seem to relish the experience as a whole.

Cat: I have tasted of the box of plenty! *purr* *purr*

January 17, 2020

Symptoms

Gasp! My temperature is a degree lower than it was yesterday! (97.9 degrees)

January 14, 2020

The Plunger

Child: Don't worry, I just need it to stabilize my fort!

January 13, 2020

Elememetary

So, what meme did you learn at school today?

I asked my daughter this question one day as a joke and got an earnest answer in reply. Now I ask it every evening at dinnertime.

January 9, 2020January 10, 2020

Power Games

Illustration of a cat approaching a woman. Woman: Hi, Norman-cat!! Can I pet you??

The cat lays down some distance away. The cat: Yes.

The woman reaches out her hand, too far away to pet the cat.

My cat and I have been engaged in a 36 minute handshake, each unwilling to be the first to break. The prolonged eye contact is making my eyes water, but I’m not crying.

I’m not crying.

January 8, 2020