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Just Feelings

Illustration if father and daughter arguing. Father: Inanimate objects do not have feelings! Daughter: EVERYTHING has feelings!
Father: ...what about the toilet? Daughter: The toilet has Very Big feelings!
Toilet: My feelings are both intense and valid.
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Elememetary

So, what meme did you learn at school today?

I asked my daughter this question one day as a joke and got an earnest answer in reply. Now I ask it every evening at dinnertime.

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Power Games

Illustration of a cat approaching a woman. Woman: Hi, Norman-cat!! Can I pet you??
The cat walks past her.
The cat lays down some distance away. The cat: Yes.
The woman reaches out her hand, too far away to pet the cat.

My cat and I have been engaged in a 36 minute handshake, each unwilling to be the first to break. The prolonged eye contact is making my eyes water, but I’m not crying.

I’m not crying.

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Mouse in the House

There is a mouse in the house.
I have tried everything to keep it out. But I keeps coming back in.
It makes me so angry, I just want to murder it.
Woman worker at hardware store: We actually have a really large selection of poisons in aisle 7. Me: omg, no! I don't want to MURDER murder it!

Hyperbole can be so dangerous!

(Please don’t give me mouse solutions. I already have a mouse solution. I’m planning on stuffing a cat in every crevice. Thank you.)