paper art – Nicole Smeltzer

Star Trek: Mini Comics

Silly Trek comics cause it was too cold to leave the house today:

The Enterprise waits by a green planet. From the planet, a word bubble emerged :My Word!

Picard, Worf, Geordi, Troi and Riker all stand on the planet's surface. Picard: This planet is entirely populated by pre-warp, hyper-intelligent bunnies!

Illustration of a large number of bunnies.

The crew runs off saying SQUEEE! Picard: THE PRIME DIRECTIVE! COME BACK!

Geordie, Troi, and Riker cuddle bunnies. Picard slaps his forehead. Worf looks confused.

Riker and Deanna stand by a chair. Riker: what's that? Deanna: it's a chair.

Riker lifts his leg over the chair back. Riker: How do I...? Deanna, crossing her arms: Nope.

Riker puts the chair on his head. Deanna: Uhn uh.

Riker curls up sideways in the chair, his arm dangling down. Deanna: Keep trying.

Riker sits upside down in the chair, all alone. Riker: Deanna, I think I've got it! — Much later…

Riker, yelling: DEANNA

February 5, 2020

Livin’ the Dream

I was having trouble concentrating during the meeting

Because out the window, just over my boss's shoulder, there was a crow circling

And when it landed, I would see that it was carrying a whole sandwich.

Me, thinking: livin' the dream...

February 3, 2020

Afoot

Me, coming home from work: HONEY! I'm hooooooooooome!

Mike: Welcome home! Just a heads up, the neighbor girl is afoot.

Neighbor girl, yelling: A FOOT?? A FOOT?!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!

SLAM!

Daughter: DADDY!!

Mike looks alarmed/surprised.

January 28, 2020

Taste of Victory

I left the fridge door open while I prepared my cup of coffee this morning.

Seizing the opportunity, the cat raced over and bit into the first thing he saw, which was a head of cabbage.

He didn't care for the cabbage, but he did seem to relish the experience as a whole.

Cat: I have tasted of the box of plenty! *purr* *purr*

January 20, 2020

Lucid Dreaming

Whoa! I'm floating!

Usually this only happens to me in dreams...

...but now it's happening to me in really life! FINALLY! (The woman's hair has turned green. She is holding a floating rabbit on a string. Her daughter has turned into a houseplant and is asking to go to the park.)

Image of search bar with the words: lucid dreaming too dumb??

January 16, 2020March 9, 2020

Lil’ Bob Dylan

Toddler singing in the backseat: These mushrooms are glorious and special. We should take them from outside. Maybe we should go to Boston and find a rainbow? Hey, maybe these mushrooms that we've never seen before. Hey, we can do it and this is the end?

Every toddler singing tunelessly to themselves in the backseat sounds just like Bob Dylan.

Or Bob Dylan sounds just like them.

January 6, 2020January 5, 2020

Winter Routine

My Winter Routine:

Step 1: Stand close to the gas heater until my clothes get so scorching hot they start to burn my flesh.

Step 2: Move one baby step away from the heater and stare at it for 30 seconds.

Step 3: Close the gap.

And repeat.

Illustration of a woman saying ouch!