sequential art

February 16, 2020

Oh, beans

Illustration of a woman opening a can of beans. *pop!*

Illustration of woman opening a can of beans and peeling back the lid. *shhhhk!*

A puff of smoke appears beside her.

Ah, it's the cat. Cat: You summoned me?

The woman pats the cat's head. |Sorry, buddy. It's just beans."

The cat wails: BEANS!

February 10, 2020

A Craving for Something

Daughter: I have a craving for something, but I don't know what!

Me: What?? We just ate dinner and you said you were full!

Daughter, swanning away: ...but WHAT?

February 5, 2020

Livin’ the Dream

I was having trouble concentrating during the meeting

Because out the window, just over my boss's shoulder, there was a crow circling

And when it landed, I would see that it was carrying a whole sandwich.

Me, thinking: livin' the dream...

January 29, 2020

Dedicated to the One I Love

We found an old Lennon Sister album on vinyl for $2 at the secondhand store. We took it home and put it on.

And we danced

while our daughter struggled to suppress her gag reflex.

Daughter: UGH, you guys are SO GROSS.

Mike: You know you could go to any other room in the house, right?

Me: Any other room.

January 28, 2020

Taste of Victory

I left the fridge door open while I prepared my cup of coffee this morning.

Seizing the opportunity, the cat raced over and bit into the first thing he saw, which was a head of cabbage.

He didn't care for the cabbage, but he did seem to relish the experience as a whole.

Cat: I have tasted of the box of plenty! *purr* *purr*

January 27, 2020

Make It Snow

She flushed ice cube after ice cube down the toilet yesterday.

because she read on the internet that that would make it snow. Kid: That should do it!

January 17, 2020

Symptoms

I have the hiccups!

My tooth! Is wiggly!

Gasp! My temperature is a degree lower than it was yesterday! (97.9 degrees)

Oh gawd is this a head cold?

January 16, 2020

Lil' Bob Dylan

Toddler singing in the backseat: These mushrooms are glorious and special. We should take them from outside. Maybe we should go to Boston and find a rainbow? Hey, maybe these mushrooms that we've never seen before. Hey, we can do it and this is the end?

Every toddler singing tunelessly to themselves in the backseat sounds just like Bob Dylan.

Or Bob Dylan sounds just like them.

January 6, 2020January 5, 2020

Winter Routine

My Winter Routine:

Step 1: Stand close to the gas heater until my clothes get so scorching hot they start to burn my flesh.

Step 2: Move one baby step away from the heater and stare at it for 30 seconds.

Step 3: Close the gap.

And repeat.

Illustration of a woman saying ouch!

January 4, 2020

Mouse in the House

There is a mouse in the house.

I have tried everything to keep it out. But I keeps coming back in.

It makes me so angry, I just want to murder it.

Woman worker at hardware store: We actually have a really large selection of poisons in aisle 7. Me: omg, no! I don't want to MURDER murder it!

Hyperbole can be so dangerous!

(Please don’t give me mouse solutions. I already have a mouse solution. I’m planning on stuffing a cat in every crevice. Thank you.)

January 1, 2020

Happy New Ear!

Woman to little girl: Happy new year! Little girl: Happy new ear!

Woman looks puzzled. Little girl: I hope I get little pointy dog ears!

Illustration of delighted girl with pointy dog ears.

I hope you get earything you desire this year.

December 28, 2019December 28, 2019

vegetarian midlife crisis what

Is this related to the freezer fish thing?

For as long as I've know Mike, he's been a vegetarian.

But lately he's been saying things like "I think I want to go hunting."

and "If I killed a goose, would you eat it?"

Search bar with the words: pod person how to know

Search bar with the words: vegetarian midlife crisis what

Search bar with the word: what??!

Goose leaning into image frame saying "whut."

December 27, 2019

Can't Write

I have loads of free time at the moment. I wish I could write. But I can't. (Illustration of a tiny woman skipping on text on lined paper.)

I'm just a cookie now. (Illustration of a woman who has turned into a giant chocolate chip cookie.)

December 23, 2019

Me as a Vampire

me as a vampire

"ooo um actually, do you have any carbonated blood?"

December 22, 2019December 22, 2019

The Mousetrap

We got a humane mouse trap. And it worked! It caught the mouse. (Illustration of a rattling mouse trap.)

But now the cat thinks the trap is a magic box that makes mice. (Illustration of a magician mouse exiting the trap.)

And he won't stop staring at it. (Illustration of big staring cat eyes.)

Thus ensuring it will never, ever work again. (Gif of a cat paw slowing pawing at the open trap.)

December 20, 2019

The Note to Self

She taped a long string to her bedroom ceiling. Then she used a paperclip to attach a card for her teacher to the string. And at the bottom of the string she taped a note. And it all hung just above her nose so she would see it when she woke up.

December 19, 2019December 19, 2019

Fish Story

Mike bought a fish from the pet store and they said to bring it in if it dies and they will replace it. Well, it did die, but Mike didn't have time to go to the store, so he stuck it in the freezer in a baggie. (Illustration: Fish in a baggie labeled Do Not Eat)

That was months ago and now there are two more... (Illustration: Three baggies of labeled, dead fish)

Illustration of a cell phone open to a search bar with the words: fish serial killer how to know